I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
