Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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