new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize