Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
