ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
