You're so nebulous sometimes
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
