I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
