My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
