you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
