Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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