So drunk its hurt
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
