I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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