Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
