It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I pour the whiskey from now on
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
