Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
