she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
