he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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