As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
