I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize