Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
