I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
