I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
