Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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