ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
