oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
