that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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