He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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