Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
