Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize