May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
