Do you still have your period?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
