can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
