We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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