Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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