I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i need some magic done to my vagina
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
