We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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