Someone shit on the floor
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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