Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My vagina is very pro this idea
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
