Jerry, you need to find god
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
this just has baby written all over it
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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