Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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