Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
