I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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