glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
