Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just invented taco cereal.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
