1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You can't just leave with hair like that
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
