I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
