I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize