Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize