I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
