We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
