His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
