win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My bed smells like the plague
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
