Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
