It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
