Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
