I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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