and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
