I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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