I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
