i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
