just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
