i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
