You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
