so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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