He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
