You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
