neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize