you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
