I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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