I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's shark week go big or go home
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize