If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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