I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
